This is not a diary any more

2. Vipassana. Checking In

Disclaimer: This is a personal experience of a novice in Vipassana, presented as a series of insights, not an attempt to render advice or explain the technique in full extent, and should not be taken as guidance or a comprehensive course report. 


There’s a bunch of peculiar specimen at the registration tent. The types who cut their own hair, you know. Standing in the queue, I can sense some women wearing perfume, although it has been, among other things, specifically requested not to.

It annoys me a bit that we have to fill in the questionnaires once again, same ones we’ve completed online. I write half of the truth in the health section and get stuck at What’s your profession? After taking it too seriously for a while, my answer is WORDSRead the rest of this entry »

1. Vipassana. A Curious Experiment

Disclaimer: This is a personal experience of a novice in Vipassana, presented as a series of insights, not an attempt to render advice or explain the technique in full extent, and should not be taken as guidance or a comprehensive course report. 


I can clearly sense his disapproval from short texts which, in seconds of trying to “shut up”, become messages of open concern. I smile. He must have been my father in the past life.

Why so long? Why 10 days instead of 3, which would be way more reasonable, given the “brutal” conditions? It’s as if you start running a marathon without any preparation and experience of running, he says.

Friend knows my rough patches. Some of them vaguely, some of them – in quite a detail. He must think I am desperately seeking a hideout. An exotic shortcut to a new me. Read the rest of this entry »

I’m Off

Minutes before I leave to Vipassana retreat, I take the food from the fridge and give away to neighbours (I just hate to throw it out).

Doing the dishes, I suddenly realise why I feel so calm and confident about the next 10 days of isolation and, as Friend put it today, sensorial deprivation. Read the rest of this entry »

Eurovision 2016 Favourites. Ukraine

Saw Jamala first on the semi-final and was shocked how it wasn’t a performance at all. I mean the woman has profound vocal abilities and the song is great.

Yet it was like having a skull brought in during one of Trimalchio’s feasts.

She wasn’t putting up a show – she was bringing a message, a stinging reminder to everyone of us sitting comfy with our bling and first world problems. I am glad Ukraine used this opportunity to speak of serious shit without saying a word. It’s still there, people.

Eurovision 2016 Favourites. Sweden

Let me just tell you this, Frans. If you walked a thousand miles to tell me you were sorry, I’d let you in, give you food and forgive you everything.

Seriously though, simplicity at its best.

Eurovision 2016 Favourites. Israel

Amazing melody (is it just me, or does it have a bit of that Slavic melancholy in it?), beautiful yet not overwhelming stage effects, strong voice and well, he’s a Jew. Much love.

Eurovision 2016 Favourites. Lithuania

What’s the best thing about a song? It presses certain emotional buttons, triggers associations and generally stimulates one’s imagination.

When I hear this song, I’m suddenly a teenager in love, with the whole world a promise, and the fact that Donny Montell has his looks makes my mind go this exciting path like it’s a walk in the park.

However, another remarkable thing is the official video of this hit and the choice of the female character. You look into her face – a party girl with the touch of femme fatale. Ok. Then the camera slides down and you’re like, wow what? She is sooo not a Barbie doll! Those are expected but never imprint for a long time in your memory. This one is not perfect – and just perfect that way. I believe this choice of cast was a very well-calculated move of Donny’s production and PR teams, and it’s a winning one. In the world of enforcing hardly-attainable body-image time and again – though hypocritically preaching against unrealistic standards – this girl tells us great nights happen even if you are plus size. And it’s not even a lie.

Let me just feel proud once again to witness Donny’s talent – he surely owns it!

The Sound of Silence


tell me
sweet nothings
i miss you

Karma in Action

So last night we had Best Friend’s farewell party. We did everything we said we wouldn’t, like going to the plastic fantastic Mojo club and ending up on a bench eating Hesburger’s… I know – how low can you go? I can go to Hesburger and not even feel bad about it!

But I want to tell you something amazing that happened last night. Read the rest of this entry »

I’ve Been Waiting For This Night

I can’t even.

Under the Skin

Ever since I’ve watched it, I’ve been thinking about us, robots.

The ET beings, not born out of Pure Love but merely sent to Earth for a pre-ordered function, trying to cope in the meantime with every side-effect of having a pussy and boobs, and – God forbid – budding feelings.  Read the rest of this entry »

Best Friend

So I come to the office thinking how I’m gonna tell him that I did something stupid last night, that I got some rags and a bra and felt it was such a lame birthday present to use daddy’s money for, so in the end I went on and bought those pretty plane tickets and how I’m gonna eat cottage cheese for months on end now because I’m poor (35 year-old woman speaking…).

But he wasn’t there.

And then it struck me he wouldn’t be there before I go to Vipassana next week, and when I come back he’s gonna be somewhere else for good. Read the rest of this entry »

All Would Envy

The Greatest