This is not a diary any more

Category: Letters

Breakfast at Tiffany’s

Where do we go from here? The question lingers as the longing of you settles early in my chest. You have no more business coming back, and I don’t know when I will see you. You said you didn’t want to lose me and invited to come to you. As a friend.

Be Calm

Be calm. Be still. When you walk down the street, feel the motion around you slow down, the air thin out, and hear the Eternity whisper. The times I walk my cold avenues and you stroll your sunny alleys, if you could just grasp that moment, we would meet. That thinning of the air, that slowing down of motion. […]


Who can tell whether we’re alive or dead? Either way, we live in the heaven or hell of our choosing. I live in my almost heaven with the elements of purgatory. They were the entrance fee. 

Connection Lost

…and I have known the most vivacious of emotions – raging fire, burning ice, torrential water, scorched earth…. and yet they are all tame when compared to the glow of the moon and a gentle, yet unassuming, spark in the dead of night. Stars peppering the heavens again… Such is the power it has over […]

Colour to the Soul

There are people in our lives who eventually turn into concepts ingrained in our core. Their lives apart from us blend into our soul and add another shade to our identity. Their history is ever-present in the way we look at things, like a one-of colour in our sentiment. They saturate our perception. And there is no […]

Growing Old Is the New Black

I’ve never expected to feel this way, but now that I look in the mirror and see my face growing old, all the wrinkles and other signs of time, feelings and inner fights, I worry not.

This Is How

Your words. The ones I wanted to hear. The ones I was meaning to say to you. Not to write – I thought some of them ought to be said looking into the eyes before they were written in letters. I thought if this superstition was disregarded, the higher powers would close the roads that lead us to each […]

Wake Up We

I keep wondering when those questions will run out… Why drag the subject to and fro? It has never been a matter of making a step, not for one of us, so why linger on something as empty? Some of the above questions are addressed to myself, too (is that you or me talking?). Victims are too comfortable […]

That Moment

That moment when someone stands there looking at you intently, with a disbelief almost, and you are looking back, taming the unreasonable chaos within, unaware just yet how mutual the chaos is. I cannot forget. I know I will  be ok. I will not kill myself or get on an antidepressant wagon. I will not […]


You wrote “dead” and you invited the experience. You asked if I would be there at the very end and you saw that I weren’t.

Самый быстрый самолет


I can make you happy. If you didn’t want or couldn’t have kids, I would not want them any more. I could give you as much space and freedom as you liked. I would take care of you in a wheelchair and love you every day. I think I would love you even if you […]

The Cold

Do you remember what the cold sounds like? It sounds like eternity.

Numerical Paradox

Like every other time I’ve said I would never, I often feel I’m the one who wants you more. As soon as I withdraw, step back, go away, I almost expect us to move on with our lives because the circumstances overall seem to brilliantly conspire against us.

The Deal

And then it dawned on me. The Universe will take the deal as soon as I deliver: when I will drop the conviction you are the One.