Breakfast at Tiffany’s

by HelluvaGirl

Where do we go from here?

The question lingers as the longing of you settles early in my chest.

You have no more business coming back, and I don’t know when I will see you.

You said you didn’t want to lose me and invited to come to you.

As a friend.

Because neither of us believes in lasting long-distance affairs.

The friend-zoning would be a maddening proposition if only I believed you really wanted it. I know, you never speak of feelings, but someone who says they feel my scent when walking around their city far away, someone who can’t avoid kissing me like crazy though I’m trying to be in a relationship with somebody else at that time, someone who asks me just not to disappear from their life although the circumstances do not provide for a proper relationship, that person is not just a friend, and not even a friend with benefits. Someone who would rather have me as a friend instead of never seeing me again, is not just a friend.

I’ve met people who called me the love of their life and then when it was over shut me out completely – out of pride, pain or jealousy, I assume. And I would always think, what kind of love it was if you deny my existence after we end the affair? Isn’t it the acknowledgement that you genuinely care about another as a human being – as a friend, if you will – that is one of the cornerstones of love? That’s not supposed to have an expiry date now, is it?

I don’t know a name for us; perhaps there isn’t one. All I know is that I have unusual patience with your young lack of experience in many things men are supposed to do. I think it’s fair to say I gave more than I got in return throughout our little entourage. But then I think about the things you’ve taught me…

For one, this affair never hurt me. In similar situations I could smoke myself to death out of drama. With you… there’s just so much tenderness. I think I am drawn by something in you that’s not yet there. I can’t explain. It’s like I know you, I’ve seen you in other people who are way older than both of us, and maybe I feel like I can steer you away from things which will leave you lonely and spent.

We’ve never expected to become more that a setup, have we?

No, I don’t want to lose you either. It could be that we are most true to ourselves when we exit the roles we’ve learnt too well and truly don’t know what’s next.

I don’t want to lose you. That’s one thing we’ve got.