Barcelona. Day Two. Part One

by HelluvaGirl

I wanted this holiday to be easy-going. No excessive planning in advance (though I did a bit of homework, inevitably), no strict abidance to the plan and no consequential stress.

Happy to say it works. I just notice situations where I would begin to get nervous or hurry and I just don’t.

We went to the beach with Pia – it was quite a long walk for her via La Barcelonetta.

She has some weird fetish with beach sand: likes to dig her arms to the elbows in it, cover herself all over and get dirty as the devil. Then she pours the sand all over me and inside my handbag, and right before that part I usually jump up and say something like, listen, let’s go there and see that! But this time I asked her if she was having a good time. She was playing with the waves on the shore (a bit too cold to swim just yet), turned to me and said she could do that for hours.

So I swallowed the suggestion to walk and inspect that huge odd bronze-y shining object of modern art (probably?) on the far left and pinned myself to the beach sand. In my skirt. No blanket.

I was sitting there, watching my child play, and made a list of what would be really cool to learn back again:

1. Do not hurry

It’s such an ingrained habit I rush even when there’s no need for that. No difference whatsoever if we walk out the door that very minute or in 10, I usually employ that tone of voice that makes everything in life seem like there’s a bomb ticking. Why do I do that? I like to be punctual; I like to be somewhere when agreed, but where does that urge to do things right now come from when there is no difference at all? There’s not even a slight difference if I come to work 10 minutes early or late. And on holidays, who the hell cares if I see one weird object less or more if Pia is getting her dress dirty and has the time of her life?

2. Let it get messy

I hate the sand all over my face and on my clothes. I mean I’m not like some of the girls I know who don’t work out because they don’t like the sweat. I’m not that OCD. But I like to be prepared for things: have my hair in a bun, lie on a blanket and stuff. I like things in control. So what I did was extend myself on the sand in my skirt and sweater – because there are more important things to worry about than laundry.

3. Risk getting lost

Speaking of worries, this trip is also cool because I don’t care about getting lost any more. People who know me, know about this bug in my brain that used to bring me to fucking panic attacks. Well, whatever. I use the map but it’s also a conscious personal go-with-the-flow campaign when, instead of avoiding, I actually hope to find myself in a place I wasn’t really getting to, and maybe it’s gonna be fun?

4. Go with the moment

I lie on the beach, I want to go for a walk. I want to be somewhere else most of the time. But this time, I’m in Barcelona. This time, I am with Pia. So I consciously make myself stop thinking fast-forward as I lie there on the sand, thinking that perhaps the main reason I wanted to go on this trip with her so much was to learn to be a better mother. With less rules, not so strict all the time. That girl used cutlery at the age of 2 while her friends were throwing handfuls of food around, but these days her regression in the manners zone tells me I have probably tried too hard to make her a lady when she needed that food-throwing with other kids. There is right time for everything. The best is to not move fast-forward. To not run away. Not from the beach, not from a stage in life. Even worse is making someone else do it.

I hope I can learn from that girl without breaking her.

For visual impressions, please visit my Instagram account @krislaurin.