Giving in to the Risk

by HelluvaGirl

I took a little risk this morning.

My car insurance had expired last night and the girl was supposed to email me the papers today some time before noon.

I could’ve bothered to take a bus. It would’ve been a longer and much more inconvenient journey to work, albeit not involving the risk of getting into an accident and having to cover the costs out of my own pocket because my car wouldn’t be insured for those several hours.

However, I calmly drove my usual route, speeding where I usually do, being sure that if it was supposed to happen, if I was meant to experience that sort of mishap and go through an array of annoying circumstances, it would happen anyway. Maybe not while driving, perhaps it would be something else. We undergo things we need to. Simple as that.

Thankfully, it all went fine.

But it got me thinking: how come I can be so philosophical risking in one situation, yet have strong anxieties about other things – which, to tell the truth, on a certain level have as natural and karmically inevitable reason – outcome correlation as this casual driving instance?

My starting point is that we get what we deserve. What we need in order to see or understand something. Sometimes we have to gain, sometimes to lose. Or both at once. And it’s ok – on paper.

Why it isn’t as easy when it comes to human relationships? Why can’t I be as willing to risk, knowing things that are supposed to happen, will occur? Why do I suddenly become cautious and shrink in my silly inner world I say I want to leave so much – until I actually have a chance?

For the record, I’m not pro breaking traffic rules and the law (like I said, for the record).

It’s just the aspect of giving in I preach out loud – but in the most important areas where the principle should be applied, I panic.

Giving in. Possibly failing. Being rejected. Baring myself. Why is it so hard?

Cap ou pas cap? I think I’ll do something for my Comfort Zone Project.