by HelluvaGirl

Always been convinced I was special to you in certain ways. The only one. In several aspects.

Beginning to see I am not – do I dramatise it? Hm… I guess no sense. I’m just surprised how perfectly life draws a veil on our perception and timely conceals certain shades of reality from our judgement.

Fine by me.

I have learnt by now that it’s never black or white, that nothing’s ever mutually exclusive. So I am ok with what I think are my newly discovered truths about you, or us. For all we know, I am sensitive – in auditors’ terms, it stands for crazy anyway. I imagine things most of the time! So literally nothing’s worth too much emphasis.

It just feels like I am standing there watching my life. If anyone approaches closer, I look at them through an invisible film. You cannot tear it. You cannot come close enough.

Is it numbness or am I a philosopher in the making?

Are you sad?

I am thoughtful. When I am, though, they say my face looks sad. Why ask?

Just a feeling.

I have no idea how you do this. We don’t talk for days. I have been talking to you in my mind this very morning but you couldn’t know. Then again, you didn’t say you knew.

Yes, lay my head on your lap. Caress my hair. Tell me all the carefully picked words like flowers. They are ever so soothing…

Better yet, say nothing at all. Stay and watch with me, will you? I don’t like to think of the time you may not be around.

Thank you for being there for me.

I am and will be. Though tonight, to be honest, I wish I was closer.

Ah, yes. The film.

I invited you to Milan, remember?

I haven’t forgotten. But it wasn’t the right time and circumstances.

You couldn’t be more right, darling. You couldn’t be more right. It was the time for other things to happen, to fill me up, to cut me open, to hang me out to dry.

Nonetheless, despite all the circumstances dancing around us, despite everything we have to accomplish on our own, the timing is perfect. Always.

Lay my head on your lap. Caress my hair.

Are you as lonely? Oh, you are…