HelluvaGirl

I believe it is pretty difficult for many to tell Love from a delicious mash of desire, pleasure and fantasy. Sometimes we stick to the make-believe so much that we tear ourselves apart chasing an illusion, a reflection of our own ego. We choose to be tortured by a deformed concept that has nothing to do with the sustainable peace, the potential of which is a given. The Love we are born from and return to when we die is something that can never be exhausted or disrupted.

Unless, of course, we refuse to cultivate it making use of every occasion, and by occasion I mean the loss of our personal interest against the God’s plan, the universal flow or whatever one prefers to call it. We show our true selves only when we can’t have it our way. 

We are determined Love is candy that keeps us high, and we decide it is “gone” as soon as we get bored or tired to go on when the lights are out and the entertainment is over.

I know I have been mixing up the two my whole life. If I haven’t, I would probably still be with the father of my child. It is very difficult to maintain the clear worldview with so many temptations suggesting a quick fix, with the roller-coaster seeming like the normal state we should be constantly in, and when we fall out of it (naturally), we blame falsely interpreted feeling as the source of misery.

Illusion mistaken for Love is the source of misery.

I want to know what this is now.

I caught myself getting greedy and furious because the candy was in someone else’s hand.

Well, I refuse the candy.

I want to have a moment, a year or a lifetime – as long as it takes – to see if it’s what I thought it was or just a plain sugar-rush aftermath. In the latter case, I might not make another mistake in the future.

And if it is Love… then it makes no difference what happens. No difference at all because no event, development, turning-point or absence thereof will be able to change it.