by HelluvaGirl

Here’s the Teacher’s opinion on compliments men and women ought to tell each other, which I found quite peculiar:

A woman tells a man he’s strong and smart and how brilliantly he understands everything – because he is stimulated towards those things when she tells him.

A man tells a woman she is sexy and beautiful – because her purpose is giving birth, and feeling sexual she is more willing and happy to serve that purpose. 

I found this surprising as it sort of encourages certain attachments that may be aggravating in the light of trying to distance ourselves from the earthly matters.

But the sad part is that I usually hear I’m smart. Basically, a man 🙂

Even sadder, hearing I am sexy and beautiful, I feel almost ashamed.

Perhaps it is my upbringing? My father never respected lack of intelligence and openly mocked girls on beauty pageants. He resented beautiful women who used their looks to be better off in life.

As a result, the most offensive thing he could tell a three-year-old me was

You won’t understand this yet.

I found that extremely disrespectful. And when he wouldn’t explain me the “complicated” words, I would intuitively try to guess their meanings from the context, and I’d be happy to find out later I was right.

At least he would always try to answer my questions, while mother would avoid involvement by dropping her usual

I don’t know.

So I lost interest in talking to her early enough.

On a New Years Eve, when I was 13, my father congratulated me by saying

I wish you to be as smart as you are beautiful.

Sadly enough, he already stood in front of a girl who felt superior to many, and who thought proudly at that moment: how limited you want me to be!


An old acquaintance, one of the most intriguing personalias I’ve ever met, told me what he thought of women once. It came out as a joke:

Either smart, or happy.

I was 23 at that time and thought it was sexist and demeaning.

Today I see he couldn’t be more right. He was smart and brilliantly understood everything 🙂

Someone who in different stages of life has tried being the smartest in the room (superior), then silly and beautiful (wanted), then weak and dependant (protected), I am 33 and still trying to get to my feminine nature.