by HelluvaGirl

I am revisiting places. The hardest part is digesting the fact which has just been thrown in my face in a manner that couldn’t possibly be more obvious – and therefore it is horrid – that I am in the same place I’ve been a decade ago. 

You’d like to think you’ve moved on to some advanced being, learnt some lessons and really moved forward, and your life ought to be the proof of it.

What I see today is that my whole life, there is just one feeling with pretty much repetitive words to paint it. The stimuli change shapes, the names are different, but the heart of it is the same.

I once watched a film about Casanova. He said that all the women made an entirety of his path. It was the path of Love, he said, and it didn’t matter who were those to ignite it and keep it burning. It was his destiny to be on fire and those who crossed his path, kept the flame alive. They were all one and they served just this one purpose.

Today, I would really like to find an answer why am I repeating the same circles. What is it that I have missed? What have I failed to learn to be where I am? What is it that I am failing to see?

Because I had more than enough time to get accustomed to my path, and yet I find it exhausting to walk. I don’t want it. I believe I’d be better somewhere else.

I’ve never been scared of death but now it began to look hopeful: maybe, in another life, after I sleep a bit…

How do I make another life happen in this one? Is it up to me at all? 

Circles may be inevitable. What I really want to change, is the view. Several first dead ends may be ok but later on you start hoping for a different design. Right now, I’m passing the corner named Pissed Off.