I See You

by HelluvaGirl

I sat down to write to you and I can’t remember ever having such a writer’s block… Which is funny remembering all my recent texts stacked in the folder with your name on it that I would pour straight from the heart like there was no end to words at all.

As you have enjoyed the #icylogic version of truth today, below is the #soulmate version of the same. I can’t say they are mutually exclusive, though I openly prefer the latter.

You may consider it literature – see, now I’m putting in disclaimers in case this comes out too intimate; I’m leaving us a fire escape with a sign saying no, this is not true, really; it doesn’t mean anything – just a piece I created in five minutes chilling on the terrace

Then I reminded myself that you probably already know everything anyway and it’s not at all the matter of letting you know as much as putting it on the transparent table.

I see you. The whole of you. I see and respect your reality with its restrictions applicable to anyone like me. I see what your heart craves for because I hear you asking questions I have asked myself in different circumstances but in a similar state of heart. I see potential scenarios and directions you might take looking for your happiness. I think about those things tenderly.

There’s been a shift in me – I will not burden you with the virtual responsibility saying it was entirely because of you, but meeting you came to be a marking line, facing which I had to ask myself several overdue questions, and I answered them, and now I witness my heart changing in the most unexpected way.

They say people can grow only when they can place themselves in the position of a disciple. With you, I drink in every thought, idea, question you share and I am attracted to you in more ways than I’ve experienced before. Yet at times I feel that we exchange places and I can show you the way, and I find this role-play lovely and rare.

That’s where I stay: I go on silently, with my inner smile, with my eyes and heart wide open to anything I get from you, be it the art you share or the conversations we have about a variety of things, or the meek confirmations to each other we are in the same room in that dream next to the burning lamp, and we are for each other, whatever realities we wake up to.

I wish I had done everything on Earth with you – now I know what it means. I have long stopped waiting for the feeling to go away. I know I know you, and it will never be undone.

I will take anything you give me, including nothing – and I say this not out of feeling small but out of feeling vast and limitless, and grateful.