HelluvaGirl

I found a bump in my breast.

I always love to see her. There is a certain light around some people, like an almost visible cloud that makes you breath in deeper and smile as they approach. It’s an active energy, a positive determination that’s very catchy and uplifting. You meet them, and you instantly sense something special’s gonna happen. 

I recognise those people well.

I call her Fairy Godmother for waving her magic wand my way some time in the past without much talking about it. One never forgets those things.

We had lunch and she told me about her mother who died six months ago. I tried very hard to not cry as she didn’t, and I felt it would be bad manners on my part to ruin her fragile new firmness while touching the subject.

Did you notice that when you listen with your heart, the empathy rises enormously, and you can feel so ingenuously what another person refers to? It’s like feeling the same thing they feel. Like lingering on the same almost visible cloud of emotion.

I felt for her deeply and yet respected her effort to be smart about the fact. No one cried.

It was the next day that I stood in my bathroom and brushed my hair that the statement emerged in my mind.

I found a bump in my breast.

I knew she said it the day before at lunch, yet I didn’t hear it. Was it because she spoke of too many other details at once and wrapped it into her own prompt rationalisations that I let it slide to the background of my mind? I covered it up. I hid it. I pushed it away. I didn’t want it and refused to acknowledge it.

I would walk afterwards about the town, do my thing and think about her occasionally. I didn’t find it appropriate to attack her with messages asking how the doctor appointment went. I was thinking the why.

But one time, walking about the town with my hair in the wind I thought this: there is a certain light within some people, but it’s not all. The brighter the light, the heavier the grounding, the harsher the daemons and the larger the scale of darkness to handle. It’s never given for granted or free of challenge. People are strong and shining because they were put to tests and proved worthy. There is always the aspect of the other side with depth and trial, and pain, and loss, and even weakness.

And if Love remains nonetheless, this is how the Light is born. Now I know.