HelluvaGirl

This is not a diary any more

Tag: questions

The Location of My Heart

It’s another time of year that Lover rediscovers my phone number. As I have decided to quit our usual drill a while ago – because if anything could’ve happened, it would’ve in 12 years, right? – I don’t pick up tonight. He thinks I’m partying again. On second thought, I text him. To be honest, I feel like shit. […]

Full Stops Are Bull

In the course of unfavourable events, a full stop is a solution required by a person who is unable to endure heartache. It only makes sense why there have been so many full stops in my relationships and endeavours so far. On one hand, I want to make the “right” decisions: be decent, non-interfering and […]

Gateway Closed

Since I’ve been a teenager, I believed we all are, one place or another. Regardless of birth, death and every dimension in between, we are, all the time. 

Poppies on a Minefield

We were from the Beginning, if there was one. You and I. We are everything, like everything else in the universe. Cells in the organism. Barely individual, just on the surface. Dive deeper – and there are no faces, genders, concepts, attributes, peculiarities. We are but particles of the force of life which I sometimes call […]

There Are No Right Decisions, Just Decisions

I began to think perhaps you are my destiny. Precisely because you are everything I look down on. I have learnt that people whom I find extremely, disturbingly unlike me are the ones to teach me the hardest lesson. The one I need the most?

One of the Priceless Conversations

We wake up after a nap. I try to brush down the sticky remnants of my dream. Pia is pushing me and saying we have to go to the gym. Mum, is granny your sister? No, she is my mother. Aunt Evelina is my sister. She jumps up almost shouting with anxiety, as if we’d forgotten […]

On the Full Package

Today I was asking myself and the Woman I Love: why can’t we have everything we want in one place, in one person? Why is it like that: everything you don’t care much about is for your taking, but all you desire is forbidden, close-to-impossible and/or too complicated? 

Winter’s Tale

What if, once upon a time, there were no stars in the sky at all?What if the stars are not what we think?What if the light from afar doesn’t come from the rays of distant suns……but from our wings as we turn into angels?

On Avoiding the Choice and the Change

It’s like they say: life begins when you get fired, miss your bus or have insomnia.

Why the Tribal Era Was More Simple for Single Mums

Explaining a four-year old why we can’t live together with her father and his girlfriend… Boy, some of the mornings are more challenging than the regular!

Dialogue with Pia

Mum, Austeja told me that her mother was growing old. I crack up imagining how I will tell the news flash to my girlfriend who has just started worrying about her skin.