HelluvaGirl

This is not a diary any more

Tag: pain

7. Vipassana. The Past < ? > the Future

Disclaimer: This is a personal experience of a novice in Vipassana, presented as a series of insights, not an attempt to render advice or explain the technique in full extent, and should not be taken as guidance or a comprehensive course report.  *** As I sit in the meditation hall for hours and hours each day, I notice that […]

3. Vipassana. Pain

Disclaimer: This is a personal experience of a novice in Vipassana, presented as a series of insights, not an attempt to render advice or explain the technique in full extent, and should not be taken as guidance or a comprehensive course report.  *** For the first three days, we just observe our breath. It is not required […]

Eurovision 2016 Favourites. Ukraine

Saw Jamala first on the semi-final and was shocked how it wasn’t a performance at all. I mean the woman has profound vocal abilities and the song is great. Yet it was like having a skull brought in during one of Trimalchio’s feasts. She wasn’t putting up a show – she was bringing a message, a […]

The Location of My Heart

It’s another time of year that Lover rediscovers my phone number. As I have decided to quit our usual drill a while ago – because if anything could’ve happened, it would’ve in 12 years, right? – I don’t pick up tonight. He thinks I’m partying again. On second thought, I text him. To be honest, I feel like shit. […]

The Tale of Two Planets

Once upon a time, there were two planets. One inhabited by a race who lived in harmony with one another, sharing love and intimacy, the feeling of belonging, and their hearts were bare. They trusted each other with the depths of their mind, enjoyed being together and lived in large flocks like tender, affectionate birds. On the other […]

Pain

You’ll see, one day you’ll smile at your child and tell her you are so loving because you didn’t get everything you wanted. I was driving home, feeling nauseous. The sun was finally showing off, painting rainbows on leaden skies. A rare guest this spring, she acts like a schoolgirl skipping class.

The Land of Light

Whenever you are in pain or feel sad, remember it’s just your surface, Love. Instead of sinking in your sorrow, go looking for a place of light and happiness, where there’s no disease and anguish, where there’s only beauty and fulfilment, and Love. I rock her on my lap, pressing my cold cheek to her feverish […]

Calm vs. Numb

So it appears I live in a huge place filled with deafening silence. So much air… The clouds herded by strong wind, the whole world outside the window and inside, right where I am. And it does feel like spring in the beginning of January, it does. An echo of a feeling. Just an echo. […]

On Helluvagrey Nothingness

I know I’ve been here but every time it looks like a new place: no exit, nothing to take hold of, eternal. Yes, I am in that transition period.