HelluvaGirl

This is not a diary any more

Tag: friend

Breakfast at Tiffany’s

Where do we go from here? The question lingers as the longing of you settles early in my chest. You have no more business coming back, and I don’t know when I will see you. You said you didn’t want to lose me and invited to come to you. As a friend.

1. Vipassana. A Curious Experiment

Disclaimer: This is a personal experience of a novice in Vipassana, presented as a series of insights, not an attempt to render advice or explain the technique in full extent, and should not be taken as guidance or a comprehensive course report.  *** I can clearly sense his disapproval from short texts which, in seconds of trying to “shut […]

I’m Off

Minutes before I leave to Vipassana retreat, I take the food from the fridge and give away to neighbours (I just hate to throw it out). Doing the dishes, I suddenly realise why I feel so calm and confident about the next 10 days of isolation and, as Friend put it today, sensorial deprivation.

Baha’i Prayer for the Suffering

Friend sent it to me a couple of days ago, who I am very grateful to, although I did not anticipate to have a sad opportunity to share it with the world, which suffers from repeated terror and demise.

Watching

Always been convinced I was special to you in certain ways. The only one. In several aspects. Beginning to see I am not – do I dramatise it? Hm… I guess no sense. I’m just surprised how perfectly life draws a veil on our perception and timely conceals certain shades of reality from our judgement. […]

CZP

I have a friend and we play a game. It’s called Comfort Zone Project, or CZP.

Saturday Night Out

I have this poppy red lipstick that makes me want to have a job where it should be a uniform. Like a pencil skirt to a stewardess. Or a tie to a banker. It makes me a different person as soon as I put it on – it makes me me. Unfortunately, every single day […]

Solitary Confinement for Two

I am glad we have a long drive ahead. Going on a trip by car is one of the best things in the world: you live the anticipation of arriving but even more pleasurable is the feeling of in between. You are not where you were, but yet neither where you’re bound to. It’s like hanging […]

Breakfast

You have to try it with white bread. I can’t eat white bread. Just a bite. It’s more delicious this way. I can feel annoyance stirring up but obediently do what he says. Less fuss this way. As we eat, I notice his hands trembling. I look down at my plate. 

On the Second Day of Christmas

We go ice-skating with the kids. Pia remembers A from last summer when the four of us went to Bernardinai park together – they totally clicked. A looked after her on the playground as me and him were catching up on the bench, watching them from a distance. The children went hysterical in the car, making up […]

Vieni su

Because

The change is ongoing. Even when we speak truths less pleasant than the regular small talk, they do not disrupt our connection.

The Woman I Love

I took a CD from the pile of them lying scattered around in my living room – just to find it was scratched, too. It’s very old. I burnt it when she left for Spain.

On the Other Side of Light

I found a bump in my breast. I always love to see her. There is a certain light around some people, like an almost visible cloud that makes you breath in deeper and smile as they approach. It’s an active energy, a positive determination that’s very catchy and uplifting. You meet them, and you instantly […]

On the Way

I think I have told you everything there is to tell another person, and yet it still feels like a vast Universe untold, and I am desperate I will never have a chance, or time; that I will die, and nobody will let you know why I don’t reply to emails.