This is not a diary any more

Tag: dream

My Least Favourite Life

The embrace of sleep becomes lukewarm. I twist and turn in my sheets, pushing the awakening further away. Anxiety burns in the solar plexus. Weren’t those pills supposed to help?

My Heaven Is a Strange Place

This is how I live. This is how I love. This is mine. *** Before his death, my Grandfather would spend his days lying in bed. Sometimes, I’d come into his room, sit beside and watch his face. The hazy look, wandering some distant terrains, as he was already on his way. I felt he could tell […]

Wake Up We

I keep wondering when those questions will run out… Why drag the subject to and fro? It has never been a matter of making a step, not for one of us, so why linger on something as empty? Some of the above questions are addressed to myself, too (is that you or me talking?). Victims are too comfortable […]


In hindsight, all those songs used to be woven with unacknowledged hope and thrilling expectation of what the future would bring. Now they make me sad. No, I haven’t lost my way of faith: I will continue passionately until I have no passions. But I get very sad sometimes still.

Mind the Gap

Dreams can suddenly become so vivid after a full stop. It was a long and noisy travel in search of something vague, until finally me, mother and sister found ourselves in a luxurious Malibu resort.

She Won’t Go Away

I keep having this dream. I kill a woman and try to get rid of her. Beside the fact that she is already dead, I tie her hands behind the back with a plastic wire. I put her into a black bag, face down, and into the trunk of a car. I want to get […]

You Have Love Within

I remembered my first Teacher tonight. When father saw her book on my table at the age of 13, it was the only time he asked the question Aren’t you too young for this?

The Call

And then I realised there would be no call. 


The setting looks like the City Hall during a national music festival. People in winter coats gathered everywhere; halls-turned-changing-rooms; everything’s a mess, everyone’s late; I stand in front of a mirror and look at myself. As I make a fake smile, my front tooth falls out. 

Time Out

I love the parks and stadiums I stop driving by in the most unusual time of day. I step out and have a cigarette leaning on my car window, radio playing inside, and watch the autumnal bushes giving away secrets to the wind. It’s somewhat thrilling to appear in places I never purposefully go to. It makes me think […]

2. Transformation. Water

I was diving naked under water, seeing unknown landscapes, plants and light that was different from that above.

1. Transformation. Fire

The air was warm and dusk. The vibration under her belly-button resonated with the humming in the air. She walked the street without looking around. She could see the dark tree foliage and the rest of the things above without moving her sight or lifting her head. The trees stood huge and silent. They were her allies, just like […]

The River And the Cloud

Whenever there’s a day of silence between us, I fall into the water of the river Goodbye. I’m thinking you resigned. You got tired and gave up. You decided to stick to your path and not challenge the slim chance of you and me becoming us. This is crazy after all, and life tends to embrace […]


The Wooden Stick

If you don’t know what to do, make a small step. Sometimes the change you want seems so vast from where you’re standing that you’d never collect the resolution to become it. Do you know how sailors survive the sea after shipwreck?