HelluvaGirl

This is not a diary any more

Tag: alone

Insanely in Love

I want to fall in love. The no-looking-back way, there’s-nobody-else-in-the-world-I-see kind of way. I want it to be crazy and sparkling with chemistry, and mutual. I have been pressing myself to be practical with relationships lately. 

Pain

You’ll see, one day you’ll smile at your child and tell her you are so loving because you didn’t get everything you wanted. I was driving home, feeling nauseous. The sun was finally showing off, painting rainbows on leaden skies. A rare guest this spring, she acts like a schoolgirl skipping class.

Never Alone

I’ve never been a girl in a relationship. No. But I’ve always been a girl in love. Always having a crush, always infatuated, inspired and high. If I weren’t, it felt wrong. As if something would be missing. A part of myself numbing, my heart undergoing atrophy.

Irreversible

The day before you love an illusion                                                                            don’t you see how you’re just filling a gap     […]

My Heaven Is a Strange Place

This is how I live. This is how I love. This is mine. *** Before his death, my Grandfather would spend his days lying in bed. Sometimes, I’d come into his room, sit beside and watch his face. The hazy look, wandering some distant terrains, as he was already on his way. I felt he could tell […]

This Is How

Your words. The ones I wanted to hear. The ones I was meaning to say to you. Not to write – I thought some of them ought to be said looking into the eyes before they were written in letters. I thought if this superstition was disregarded, the higher powers would close the roads that lead us to each […]

Fortune-Teller

Don’t ask me why or how, but once upon a winter my schoolmate persuaded me to join her on a visit to a fortune-teller. It was an old lady who accepted whatever you gave her for a fee. My girlfriend, one of those golden kids from a loving and functional family, owning a beautiful house, a […]

Pia’s Wisdom. My Choice

Pia had one of her brightest moments last week. We were driving to the kindergarten in the morning and, as I was slowing down at the red lights, she said: Mummy, those boys and girls don’t know what we want.

Give Me Love

Outside the Doors

Do you notice how men stand in queue to talk to you? They come up one after another. No, there aren’t that many. Of course, there’s an old lover who’s always there.

4.30 am

there’s nothing like driving empty streets the sky inviting daylight no cars to overtake just chet and me feels like a film where i play someone i want to be httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3zrSoHgAAWo

Her Place

What I do sometimes, having stepped into my empty home, is sit still in the hallway and watch the living room. I sit there in my coat and shoes, refraining myself from the automatic routine of getting undressed and involving into the modern dance of housework. I sit for a while, looking at the place […]