HelluvaGirl

This is not a diary any more

Category: La sélection

Breakfast at Tiffany’s

Where do we go from here? The question lingers as the longing of you settles early in my chest. You have no more business coming back, and I don’t know when I will see you. You said you didn’t want to lose me and invited to come to you. As a friend.

Crazy Little Thing

She loved how easily things would fall into places when they were next to each other. How she could actually fall asleep with him. Not just in the same bed but in his arms. And in the middle of the night, as she would move in her sleep, his first instinct was not to release […]

The Location of My Heart

It’s another time of year that Lover rediscovers my phone number. As I have decided to quit our usual drill a while ago – because if anything could’ve happened, it would’ve in 12 years, right? – I don’t pick up tonight. He thinks I’m partying again. On second thought, I text him. To be honest, I feel like shit. […]

Fears

What are you afraid of?

Flashback

This was going to be one of her favourite moments. When she was looking at him and he could read her mind, she covered her face with her hands, giggling “I feel like an idiot…” and he embraced her thighs, sat her on his lap and held her in his arms for a long long […]

He Is Happy. We Are Different

There are few things as eye-opening as meeting someone who is completely, utterly, essentially different from you. Not only you see the obscure unfold before your eyes. All that you are (not) at the core takes a visible shape, too. *** He is happy.

Pain

You’ll see, one day you’ll smile at your child and tell her you are so loving because you didn’t get everything you wanted. I was driving home, feeling nauseous. The sun was finally showing off, painting rainbows on leaden skies. A rare guest this spring, she acts like a schoolgirl skipping class.

Never Alone

I’ve never been a girl in a relationship. No. But I’ve always been a girl in love. Always having a crush, always infatuated, inspired and high. If I weren’t, it felt wrong. As if something would be missing. A part of myself numbing, my heart undergoing atrophy.

Saturday Night Out

I have this poppy red lipstick that makes me want to have a job where it should be a uniform. Like a pencil skirt to a stewardess. Or a tie to a banker. It makes me a different person as soon as I put it on – it makes me me. Unfortunately, every single day […]

Solitary Confinement for Two

I am glad we have a long drive ahead. Going on a trip by car is one of the best things in the world: you live the anticipation of arriving but even more pleasurable is the feeling of in between. You are not where you were, but yet neither where you’re bound to. It’s like hanging […]

Breakfast

You have to try it with white bread. I can’t eat white bread. Just a bite. It’s more delicious this way. I can feel annoyance stirring up but obediently do what he says. Less fuss this way. As we eat, I notice his hands trembling. I look down at my plate. 

Before Breakfast

I want to give you a present. Is there anything you want? Hmmm… iPhone 6? iPhone is not romantic at all. I roll my eyes.

The Muse

His eyes are warm. Smiling. Curious. He takes a few glimpses at my face and I can see those eyes light up. They are captivated, passionate, demanding. At some point, as I sit looking at him, he shakes his head, excited. You inspire me. His hand swiftly moves as he sketches.

Unfaithful

He does the dishes, allowing me to sleep longer before we have to leave. He makes my bed neatly like a monk while I’m in the shower. He buys me things, saying it’s his pleasure.

Calm vs. Numb

So it appears I live in a huge place filled with deafening silence. So much air… The clouds herded by strong wind, the whole world outside the window and inside, right where I am. And it does feel like spring in the beginning of January, it does. An echo of a feeling. Just an echo. […]