HelluvaGirl

This is not a diary any more

Believe

Never Alone

I’ve never been a girl in a relationship. No.

But I’ve always been a girl in love. Always having a crush, always infatuated, inspired and high.

If I weren’t, it felt wrong. As if something would be missing. A part of myself numbing, my heart undergoing atrophy. Read the rest of this entry Ľ

Saturday Night Out

I have this poppy red lipstick that makes me want to have a job where it should be a uniform. Like a pencil skirt to a stewardess. Or a tie to a banker.

It makes me a different person as soon as I put it on – it makes me me.

Unfortunately, every single day I slip into something pastel and the most daring thing to allow myself is a feline flick. A modest one.

However, when I go out, I put the poppy red on my lips and find it the best accessory to my biker jacket and everything else black. Read the rest of this entry Ľ

Irreversible

The day before

you love an illusion

¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬†don’t you see how you’re just filling a gap

                                                      it is a ridiculous waste of life 

¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† he would’ve been here by now if he wanted

                                                                  you have to close one door for another to open

unless, of course, you don’t want a relationship?

All is true. And it’s a legitimate question. I can remember well the times when I said I wanted but did everything for it to not happen. I must¬†be more consistent and conscious by now. Am I hiding behind this demeaning situation? Perhaps it is more convenient to me than it is draining? Read the rest of this entry Ľ

Happy Anniversary, Lithuania!

It all starts with blueberry jam.

Pia’s¬†recently discovered it with her oatmeal porridge.

You know, Love, when I was a kid, my parents and Mother Grandmother would make jam at home. They would pick buckets of berries, take a huge pot and cook it with sugar.

Why wouldn’t they buy it in a shop like we do?

Because there weren’t products like these in shops at that time.

Why?

Read the rest of this entry Ľ

Snow on the Sahara

Since I was a teenager, this song would arise very strong emotive associations which¬†I’ve never tried to put into words before.

Tearing longing; feelings¬†that outlast relationships or people, tragedies or impossibility; being left alone without a choice but to love…

Have you ever experienced strong feelings that were sort of… not yours? Read the rest of this entry Ľ

Ev’ry Time We Say Goodbye

Time

Growing Old Is the New Black

I’ve never expected to feel this way, but now that I look in¬†the mirror and see my¬†face growing old, all the wrinkles and other signs of time, feelings and inner fights, I worry not. Read the rest of this entry Ľ

Christine

Amazing choreography and vocals! I see an Artist.